Marianne: The Nurse

My name is Marianne, I am 33 years old and my parents, both Irish descendants, passed away. I was left in charge of taking care of the grocery shop they ran, as an inheritance to my brothers and me. About me? What can I say, I'm a school dropout.

I fell in love during my senior year and became pregnant almost immediately. My parents chose to retire me from high school to save me the embarrassment of being pregnant outside marriage, at a very young age, and without their consent. They also forced us to get married, and as a wedding gift, allowed us to live upstairs.

The first time he hit me, our daughter was barely a couple months old. I don't remember if it was because I'd lost my car keys or because I'd left the TV on while breastfeeding the baby. I forgot it because I soon discovered that anything would upset him: The way I dressed, the people I talked to, the milk brand I bought or forgot to buy it at all.

My father died first, and the grieve gave me the strength to get him out of the house. My mother, who had understood the mistake of forcing us to be together, remain silent, resigned to prefer me single than dead She helped me pack his bags. We never heard from him again.

When I was just beginning to thank God for the opportunity to start over again, my mother got sick. After a long illness, during which I take her to the doctor, pick up her prescriptions and change her bandages, I understood that there was a large part of me wanting to help others and wishing to be a nurse. My mother died a year ago.

Things got complicated, and between taking care of my daughter and the pain of losing my mom, I haven't got the chance to sign up for nursing school. Sometimes I would like to leave everything, close the register and get out, live my dreams for once.

But I'm terrified, all those years of feeling that I have no control over my own life, that I'm a useless person who takes the worst possible decisions, have left me felling permanent vertigo on pursuing my dreams.

Can you figure how many people give up their dreams daily because they don't trust themselves to do it? Do you know how many of them will die without even try?  Have you felt paralyzed by your fear of failure? What did you accomplish today in the path to fulfill your dreams? The curious thing about dreams is that even if you must be asleep to have them, the only way to get them done is wide awake.