The outcast girl: Allison

Hi Stranger. As you can imagine for the title, my name is Allison. I’m writing this down only to explain why staring at someone is rude. I choose to wear black every day. No, no one in my family passed away, not recently at least. My mom died, but that was several years ago, anyway.

I dress this way not because is trendy or to make me look slimmer; I don’t have a problem with my weight or anything; It’s just that wearing black is so much easier! Not color combination pallets, no complications, no hesitation between seasonal outfits or whatever, I can put together a perfect combination without even open my eyes.

I like being in control of what I’m wearing, you know? It’s like you open a magazine and see all of this new shiny stuff that “everyone will purchase this season” while I prefer being me season after season. I’m not a fan of changes. 

When my mom passed away everything change in a heartbeat. Suddenly I couldn’t hear her voice anymore calling me to rush so I wouldn’t miss the School bus, I couldn’t see her laughing, or making me a PB and J with no crust. It is the simple things you missed the most.

You could believe I’m wearing black as an homage to her, but I guess it's more like wearing a protective shield. Since those days every person I knew try to reach to me sympathetically, I quickly rejected that. I became “the girl whose mom died” instead of Allison, Ally, All… I was a walking memorial of the most painful thing I’ve ever live.

Black, matte black, translucent black even some shades of gray or navy blue for those days when I feel outgoing, those are my go-to colors. You can take me for a rocker or a metalhead if you prefer, I couldn’t care less. I just want to be alone for a while. My mom used to call me “Starshine” and see me now, and I became the dark side of the moon, go figure.

It’s not like I want to scare people, it’s just that colors seem so happy and joyful, which I am not right now. Also, colors drive attention, and I have had enough attention for two whole lifetimes. It’s funny how in GOT “taking the black” means to live a life of solitude and sacrifice in a borderline wall that separates everyone from the dangers beyond, the risks and uncertainties that only wildlings, uncivilized people, can endure. I have been through my fair quota of pain, and I’m only 17. I guess I can take the black for as long as I needed.

I remember when I was only Allison, and no one looked at me with grief or sorrow. That’s why I like being an outcast; nobody is there to stare and pity you, I can move on with my life there.

Haven’t you ever feel like you want to vanish and just be yourself again?

Do you think that the clothes a person uses define her/him?

Have you tried new styles recently?

Are you fixated on a particular style of clothing or haircut that brings you back emotions from the past?